It's Not Goodbye
by RadcliffePotter
Summary: This is an AU fanfic. This is based on the idea that Trip's sister Elizabeth was alive and worked on the Enterprise with him. And she sees him die like he did in the last episode. So, this is about her and Archer dealing with the loss of Trip.


It's Not Goodbye…

_By RadcliffePotter_

_This is an AU fanfic where Trip's sister Lizzie is on board Enterprise with Trip because she is a __junior__ member fresh out of Starfleet Academy. She is on the ship the night Trip is killed. __So, this is all about Lizzie__ and Archer__(and__ T'Pol, I guess)__ dealing with their__ emotions regarding Trip's death. __Please note, that Lizzie is younger than she appears in the series. In my fanfic she is approximately 17. A__lso,__ Trip and Lizzie' s parents died only a few years before this__, T'Pol still helped Trip (Enterprise's resident insomniac) sleep with meditation,__ and Lizzie__ was not killed in the X__indi attack on Earth – just to make sure everyone is on the same page!__ Please read and review, because this is my first ever fanf__ic and I could really use the in__put!_

Captain Archer hadn't been expecting it, and the sight had caught him so unawares that he stopped walking in the middle of the hallway. Malcolm, who had been walking briskly behind him while talking about the latest additions he had made to security, bumped into him unceremoniously. "Sorry, sir" Malcolm said immediately. Then upon receiving no acknowledgement of his apology, Malcolm asked, "Sir?" - uncertain about what could've made the Captain stop so suddenly as though glued to the floor

Rather than answer, Archer simply raised his finger and pointed at a solitary figure in the hallway. In front of them lay the wreckage, twisted metal, and the acrid smells of burning flesh and death still lingering in the air. And there, standing among it all was Lizzie.

Archer and Malcolm exchanged a small glance that seemed to convey both worry and pity at the same time. As they approached, Lizzie showed no signs that she realized that they were even in the same ship, let alone in the same hallway, mere feet apart. As Archer and Malcolm moved still closer, Archer noticed with a frown of concern that Lizzie, though her eyes were wide open, seemed to be seeing nothing. Her eyes were unfocused and slightly glassy looking. Her skin was as white as Archer could ever remember seeing it.

He and Malcolm exchanged another look. "Elizabeth?" said Archer loudly in a voice that all of a sudden seemed far too loud and boisterous in a place that seemed to deserve only the most solemn of silences. As Malcolm respectfully held back a bit, Archer moved still closer to Lizzie's immobile form. "Lizzie?" he said, this time more quietly than the first.

But Lizzie seemed not to hear him. She was staring, apparently deeply and reverently interested in what she was looking at. Archer supposed that she was here to determine for herself exactly how her brother's death had occurred. Archer tried one more. "Lizzie?" he said as he put his hand on her shoulder in a fatherly fashion. Yet, even at this, Lizzie had still not moved. Archer turned and looked back at Malcolm who was by now wearing an expression of worry, which Captain Archer could only assume was mirrored on his own face. "Get Phlox," said Archer, his voice very little more than a whisper.

Malcolm hurried back down the hall to the nearest comm and punched the button. "Phlox!" called Malcolm as he punched the button next to the comm. After a millisecond, Phlox's voice answered over the comm., "Sickbay, Phlox here,"

"Phlox, its Malcolm," he said his tones once again all business, "We're in the corridor where the accident happened, and – well, it's Emily, I …" Phlox cut him off. "I'm on my way," said Phlox brusquely as he punched the comm button closing the link.

A minute later, Malcolm saw with relief the portly figure of Phlox hurrying down the hallway. He was carrying his scanner and a small frown was playing across his usually jovial features. "What seems to be the problem?" he asked as he met Malcolm in the hallway. "Well," said Malcolm, uncertain where to begin, "where Trip was killed – she's just – standing there and she doesn't even seem to realize we're here," Malcolm finished looking at Phlox who has just made a sort of tutting noise. "Is it anything serious?" asked Malcolm.

"Well," said Phlox, who seemed to be very carefully considering his answer, "I won't know for sure until I see her myself, but it entirely possible that Lizzie is suffering from a particularly bad case of shock," As they rounded the corner, Captain Archer came to meet them, ushering Phlox to the place among the wreckage where Lizzie was standing. "Lizzie?" said Phlox in a quiet, kind voice that Archer recognized as Phlox's bed side manner.

She still didn't respond. Phlox shook her shoulder slightly. This seemed to bring her back to senses as nothing else had been able to. "Oh!" she uttered looking surprised upon finding three other people around her. "Lizzie," began Captain Archer quietly, "what're you doing here?" It was politely and quietly said, yet Lizzie flinched as though struck. "I was just…" she stopped, apparently at a loss for words. "I needed to see where…" she stopped again and gestured at the rubble around them. She began for a third time and said so quietly that none of them were sure they heard her, "I just needed to say goodbye,"

And with that, she pushed through Archer and Phlox without another word. "Lizzie!" called Phlox at Lizzie's retreating back, "I'd like you to come back to sickbay with me – we could chat. I really think that talking about it would be good for you to talk about it with someone who really knew your brother. Captain Archer and I could both be there if you want. We all know how close you and Trip were with each other,"

Lizzie turned around slowly. She gave a sad smile. "You see," she began patiently, "you just think you knew Trip – yet none of you knew him – not really. There was so much more to him than any of you could ever possibly begin to know. And that's what's really sad – that you'll never get the opportunity to ask Trip all those personal things you always wanted to know yet never had the courage to ask,"

All of a sudden, Archer felt angry. It was like Lizzie was accusing them of barely knowing Trip. And, as she well knew, he and Trip had been very good friends, and Archer too was feeling Trip's loss very keenly. "Spending a lifetime with him hasn't made you an expert on Trip!" said Captain Archer bitterly. He was surprised by the venom he heard in his own voice.

She once again smiled a smile that was both sad and rueful. "Yes, but spending two years with him hasn't made you an expert either," And with that she frowned slightly, turned the corner, and left the three of them standing in the hallway staring after her.

Phlox turned and stared with a curious smile at Captain Archer. Malcolm also looked at Archer and asked quietly, "Not to sound out of place here, sir, but what was that about?"

"Yes, Captain," said Phlox with a smug smile, "you certainly seemed rather defensive about the whole thing. Is it possible that you are feeling some guilt about the whole thing?"

"Phlox!" said Archer loudly. "I do NOT need you psychoanalyzing me! When I want to be psychoanalyzed, I will ask you for it! And Malcolm…" he said wheeling around to look at Malcolm, "I case you have forgotten, I am the captain of this vessel. What I do and how I do it is strictly my business. And therefore, it is none of your concern!" And with that, Archer brushed past them back down the hallway.

Malcolm and Phlox exchanged a worried glance, but said nothing. Malcolm returned to his duties on the bridge, and Phlox returned to sickbay to feed his menagerie of creatures. Though it was lunchtime, for once, Phlox wasn't hungry. He walked into sickbay as the doors swished open, his mind awhirl with thought. _Hmmm…Lizzie certainly seemed out of it. But then again, that's to be expected, what with the recent loss of her brother. They were very close, as Trip had told me many times. Whenever he talked about her, he would always get this dreamy look on his face. He always called her his "baby sister". She certainly seemed to look up to her brother with the same kind of reverence. _

Phlox's thoughts then turned toward the scene he had just witnessed. Lizzie had seemed so sad that no one knew more about Trip. What had she known that they had never bothered to find out? _Perhaps the stress of the event has been affecting Lizzie adversely. I was too focused upon Trip and then Captain Archer. I never even stopped to consider the ramifications that this incident might have had on Lizzie._ Phlox then began to think about Captain Archer's reaction. Lizzie had definitely been sad and then all of a sudden, Archer was yelling at her. Phlox began to suspect that Archer had felt some guilt about his role in Trip's death.

_Such a reaction w__as actually fairly common. The Captain __escaped the event with only a bruise on his forehead and __a slight concussion Whereas __Trip had sacrificed himself to keep Archer alive. And he had died a painful__ death. The Captain__ mu__st be suffering from the __typical guilt__ that accompanied survivors from tragic accidents like car crashes and violent crimes._ Phlox made a mental note to visit both Archer and Lizzie.

Suddenly hungry, Phlox made his way to the mess hall. As he walked in, he noticed that Lizzie was chatting animatedly with Crewman Masaro. Had he not seen Lizzie standing in the wreckage less than half an hour ago, he knew that he would've had trouble believing the incident had ever even happened. She was clearly one of those "bury all my feelings and move on" people. That, in and of itself, was a dangerous practice. Too many bottled up emotions could actually lead to deteriorating physical health.

As Phlox wended his way through the tables in the mess hall, Crewman Masaro left Lizzie with a wave and a smile. Lizzie picked up a padd and began reading while absently picking at a barely touched salad. Phlox smiled inwardly at the opportunity to talk with Lizzie. "Is this seat taken, Lizzie?" She looked up, surprised to see Phlox there. "Oh, no, it's not," she said rather distractedly.

Phlox settled himself comfortably on the chair. Rather uncharacteristically, Lizzie went back to scrutinizing her padd. Phlox ate for a few moments in an awkward silence before saying, "So, what've you got there Lizzie?" She looked up and seemed surprised to see Phlox sitting there. "Oh Phlox," she said putting down the padd and flashing him a sheepish grin, "I'm so sorry; I've been terribly rude ignoring you. It's just that I'm reading a very good book, and I was so close to the end of the chapter…but anyway, that's no excuse for my rudeness."

"Ah, that's quite alright, Lizzie," said Phlox enthusiastically, "I quite understand the lure of a good book. Why when I read the latest medical journals – well, I simply can't put them down! If you don't mind my asking, what're you reading?"

As Lizzie answered answered, she spoke faster and faster in a whirl of enthusiasm, "I'm reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – it's great! It's the seventh book in the Harry Potter series. It's all about this boy, Harry Potter, who's a wizard, who must defeat the most evil wizard of all time – Lord Voldemort. But if you want to read it, you'll have to wait. Because you need to read the other six first and Trip…"

The words, "Trip is going to read it next," froze on her lips. She sat for a moment, horrified at the thought that Trip would never get to read the ending of the story that he loved almost as much as she did. Without another word, she picked up her padd and left the mess hall. Phlox sat there for a moment considering what he had just witnessed. He considered his next move. Perhaps discussing Lizzie with Captain Archer could help work on both problems at once. However, the important thing was to approach Captain Archer at the right moment. If he came on to Archer too strongly, his intentions might be misperceived.

Phlox sat by himself for several minutes considering his next move. They would have the funeral when they returned to Earth. He knew, as did Captain Archer and all the others on board, that Trip would've liked to have been buried on the place he valued more than all others – Earth.

Over the next few days, Lizzie slowly returned to some semblance of her normal self. She was talking with other crew members, and eating once again. True, she was eating less than usual, but Lizzie had never been one to eat a big meal. Phlox recalled discussing Lizzie's eating habits with Trip once. He had said, "That's just the way she is Doc. She eats like a rabbit. She nibbles here and there and she's always eatin' healthy, no need for you to worry about that." And Lizzie had even begun to smile again. While the smile lit up her face, it never quite reached her eyes. Her eyes betrayed her true feelings – a deep sense of loss and the feeling that nothing could ever be the same again.

As Enterprise traveled back to Earth, people spent more time with Lizzie. If fact, Captain Archer, who had been wishing to have a discussion – in part to apologize for his explosion in the hallway a few days previous - found it nearly impossible to catch her at a moment when she wasn't with another crewman. At lunch one day, she was seated with Crewmen Masaro, Fisher, Brining, and Cattell, all of whom were people Lizzie worked with on a daily basis. At dinner that night when Archer dropped into the mess hall, Lizzie was busy playing an absorbing game of chess with Travis while Hoshi watched their progress.

Finally, Archer came to the conclusion that he needed to bite the bullet and visit Lizzie in her quarters. He was rather embarrassed to do so. For while he had spent many hours in Trip's quarters, he knew very little about Lizzie and thus felt as though he was invading her privacy by entering her quarters uninvited, even if he was the Captain.

He arrived at her quarters after he had had dinner. He had asked chef to make him meat loaf, as it was always a sort of comfort food to him. He had eaten meat loaf before some of the most difficult times of his life – the night before he began in the Academy, the night before he had finals for the Academy, and the night before he began captaining on Enterprise. He thought vaguely that he wondered what Lizzie's comfort foods might be. He knew so little about her. He knew without even needing to think that Trips' comfort food of choice was broiled catfish. And as he walked to Lizzie quarters and thought about Trip, suddenly Lizzie's words came unbidden to his mind,_ "You just think you knew Trip – but none of__ you knew him – not really. There was so much more to him than any of you could ever possibly begin to know. And that's what's really sad - that you'll never get the opportunity to ask Trip all those personal things that you always wanted to know, yet never had the courage to ask."_

Before he knew it, he was standing before Lizzie's quarters. He reached out to touch the buzzer to let her know she had a visitor when he heard voices coming from inside. His hand froze over the buzzer as he listened in on the conservation inside: "Ooh, he's cute," said the first voice playfully, which Archer realized after a moment's thought was Hoshi's voice. "I know, isn't he?" said Lizzie sounding cheerful.

"Who is he?" asked Hoshi. "Harrison Ford," replied Lizzie, "If you think he looks cute in this movie, then you need to watch the Indiana Jones movies!" Captain Archer smiled despite the task set before him. Even thousands of miles away from Earth, girls would be girls. Feeling rather guilty that he had eavesdropped so long, Archer rang the buzzer. "Come in!" beckoned Lizzie, and in an undertone, Archer heard her say to Lizzie, "This must be Julia; it's not like her to miss a movie with Harrison Ford!"

As the doors swished open, the two girls were taken aback to see Archer standing there. "Oh, hey sir," said Lizzie politely, "Can I help you?" Archer shifted uneasily in the doorway. He hadn't expected Lizzie to have company – wasn't she ever alone? He knew that many of the crew were extremely friendly with her, since she was, generally speaking an upbeat person. But, he couldn't help but wonder whether she ever had any alone time.

"Umm…yeah, you _can_ help me. Hoshi, can I talk to Lizzie for a bit?" Archer asked anxiously. "Yeah, sure sir," said Hoshi getting off the bed and leaving. "Sorry, Lizzie, how about we finish the movie tomorrow, I'd love to see more of it!"

"Okay," said Lizzie looking slightly crestfallen at the interruption. "Bye then, Hoshi," said Lizzie. "Bye," called Hoshi as she left the room. As soon as the doors closed, there was an awkward silence. The movie the two girls had been watching was still playing on the screen. "So …" said Captain Archer searching for something – anything – to break the ice, "what movie are you watching?" The terse reply came back, "Sabrina,"

For several moments, they sat in silence. Archer shifted uncomfortably on the edge of Lizzie's bed where he had seated himself upon entering. It was Lizzie who broke the silence. "You seem embarrassed by loneliness, by being alone – it's only a place to stop," Archer was immediately struck by Lizzie's poignancy and grasp of the situation. How could she know that right now, after losing Trip, that he was feeling even more alone than he had ever felt in his life? He tried to respond, "I – what?" She said nothing but held a finger to her lips and pointed at the video screen. In Sabrina, a lovely, black haired French woman said, "You seem embarrassed by loneliness, by being alone – it's only a place to stop," Lizzie smiled.

"I guess you like this movie, huh," said Captain Archer. "Oh yeah," said Lizzie, "It's so romantic, Harrison Ford is really cute and so many parts of it can be related to real life – like what that woman just said," Lizzie glanced nervously sideways at Archer before saying, "You really miss him, don't you," she whispered. It was a statement, not a question. "And, you feel lonely without him. You know," she said looking sad, "he looked up to you sir,"

She got up, apparently unable to bear hearing his reply. She walked over to the window and as she stared into the multitude of stars beyond, for the first time Archer really got to look around Lizzie's room. It was decorated far more than most of the crew's rooms were, but the quirky style fit Lizzie's personality extremely well. There were posters all over the walls, some with cats, some with what he assumed she thought were cute boys, and one with Albert Einstein. And all around the room were books, easily over a hundred. Since padds were the main way of accessing literature these days, books had long been an antique, but apparently Lizzie bought any books she could find, no matter what they happened to be about.

He scanned the titles quietly as he tried to think of how to begin his conversation with Lizzie. While Lizzie had many kinds of books, fantasy certainly seemed to be her favorite. _Artemis Fowl: The Arctic Incident, Eragon, The Bad Beginning, __Pendragon: The Merchant of Death, Sea of Monsters__. I never knew that Lizzie was a fan of antique books – especially fantasy novels._ A further perusal of Lizzie's room proved that she was fiercely proud of her family. On the desk, on the shelf above the bed, and taped on the walls were dozens of pictures of Lizzie's family and friends.

From one picture, grinned Trip and Lizzie hugging and smiling broadly in front of Cinderella's Castle on Main Street, U.S.A. Another had Trip, Lizzie, and their parents – all several years younger, in front of a castle in what he guessed was Morocco. A third showed Lizzie with a crew of kids her own age, four boys and two girls all giving the thumbs up in a bowling alley. Yet another showed Trip with Lizzie riding on his shoulders at the beach, both caught forever in the act of laughing and sheer enjoyment. As Archer tore his eyes away from the pictures, which he assumed now served only as painful reminders of her loss, something on the bed caught Archer's eye.

Three battered and well loved stuffed animals. Two identical spotted cats and a small purple mouse sat on the bed. Archer picked up the mouse just as Lizzie turned back. "You…" she began uncertainly, then stopped seeing Archer holding her mouse. She laughed and sat down next to him. "If you don't mind my asking, who are they?" said Captain Archer. Lizzie smiled and pointed to the two spotted cats on the bed. "They're twin cheetahs," Lizzie said picking them up fondly, "This is Miss Kitty,"-she picked up the one with a flatter head and smaller body – "and this is Mr. Whiskers," she said gesturing to the one with a rounder head and fluffier body. "I've had them for as long as I can remember. And this, "she began as she pointed at the purple mouse in Archer's hand, "is Snuffles, the first stuffed animal I ever got. I got it the day I was born. They all mean a great deal to me,"

They once again lapsed into a contemplative silence before Archer said, "I'm sorry for the way I acted the other day. It's just, you caught me off guard. I felt like you were accusing me of not knowing my best friend, and that hurt me," Lizzie gazed back at him and said, "Oh no. I don't doubt that you knew Trip very well, I just wish that everyone had a chance to know Trip as well as I had. It wasn't meant to be mean, or as an accusation, it was just a sad statement," She set Miss Kitty back on the bed. Archer said quietly, "You and Trip – you were very close, I can only imagine how much this must be affecting you," And very quietly, Lizzie said back, "You and Trip –_you_ were very close, I can only imagine how much this must be affecting _you_,"

She paused and looked away. She began speaking again, all the while carefully scrutinizing her hands as though looking at anything else might cause her to lose it, "Trip meant a lot to me. Once our parents died, he really looked after me. And when he joined Enterprise, well that made me decide to go to the Academy so that maybe one day I could join Enterprise too…" she stopped and looked away her eyes filling with barely concealed tears. And without thinking, Archer hugged Lizzie. It didn't matter that she was a female crew member on his ship or that he was her captain. All that mattered was that right now Lizzie needed a shoulder to cry on – and he would gladly give her his. She began crying in earnest. Archer grimly thought that it was one of the most heartrending things he had ever experienced. Though Lizzie was now sobbing, she was making absolutely no noise.

Her body, which now seemed suddenly so small for a uniform, was shivering all over with wrenching, silent sobs. Archer decided that they must be just as painful to perform as they felt to him. She kept holding him back tighter and tighter. To Lizzie, it seemed as though if she didn't hold on as tightly as possible that the whole world might simply slip into darkness. And as she silently wept for all that could have been, yet never would be, Archer began crying as well. He tasted his own salty tears on his lips as he was struck with the chilling realization that he would never see Trip again.

They sat hugging, whether for minutes or hours, neither could say, until the buzzer rang outside the door. Lizzie seemed not to notice – she was still totally absorbed in fierce, quaking sobs. Archer however, wiped the tears from his face and got up to answer the door. "Come in," he said in a shaky voice that sounded alien to his ears. The doors swished open and there stood Phlox.

"Hoshi told me what was going on," he said quietly taking in Archer's disheveled appearance and red eyes. "It's about time that this happened. It's partially my fault, I kept putting off talking to you, because I was afraid you might take my counseling the wrong way. But, I feel it was better that you two talked to each other. It makes for better healing all around,"

He walked past Archer and saw Lizzie who was sitting on her bed, legs drawn up, head in her hands, still quaking with silent sobs. He walked over and sat next to her. He put a comforting hand on her shoulder, but the sobs only doubled in force. Archer, who had tears streaming down his own face said, "Will she be okay?"

"Oh," Phlox replied looking sad, "I'm sure she will be eventually, but these things take time. Often the road to acceptance of such events is a long one. Right now, the best thing for her is a nice long sleep. It wouldn't hurt you either," he said with a critical glance at Archer's tear streaked face. He pulled a hypospray from his pocket and pulled Lizzie's hands away from her face. "Lizzie," he said kindly, "I think that it's time you got some sleep." She shook her head and said in a thick voice, "Trip – I'm so sorry!" Archer and Phlox exchanged a glance. "What're you sorry for?" asked Archer quietly.

"Sorry for all the dumb arguments we got into, sorry that I wasn't a better sister, sorry that he and T'Pol can never get together or have kids like he wanted, sorry that he never made it back, sorry that I never got to tell him sorry – I'm just so sorry," she said. And she began to cry even harder. Through the tears she said still more thickly, "sorry that I never got to tell him how much he meant to me – or just how much I loved him," By this point, her eyes were red and bloodshot and she seemed to be having trouble breathing because she was crying so hard. Phlox gently pulled her hair back revealing her pale neck. "Why don't you sleep awhile?" he asked kindly, and Lizzie nodded silently looking at him through tear filled eyes.

He pressed the hypospray to her neck, and she stopped shaking. As the medicine raced through her system, she relaxed and fell back onto bed in the blissful nothingness of drug induced sleep. After Phlox watched her for a few moments to be sure she was really asleep, he said, "Captain, I really think that you should take Lizzie off of her duties for a few days. These past few days have doubtlessly been very stressful for her and she needs a chance to allow her system to recover from the shock. I also recommend that you take yourself off the duty roster for a while, however, I cannot order you to do so. I think that the time off would be helpful to you as well." Phlox crossed the room to the video screen, stopped the movie, and turned off the screen.

Phlox took one last look at the red, yet finally peaceful face of Lizzie asleep on her bed. "I think perhaps the same would be advisable for you Captain," And for once, Captain Archer didn't complain or fight Phlox. He welcomed the release of all emotion that came with a drugged sleep. For once he didn't need to bear the weight of the world on his shoulders. For once, he could sleep. Archer nodded and the two left the room allowing Lizzie to sleep.

Phlox and Archer walked back to his quarters in silence. Phlox kept trying to think of something comforting to say, something that might make the situation seem a little better, yet words failed him. Anything he thought of seemed to be woefully inadequate, and Phlox didn't want to break the respectful silence that had settled so gently between them.

As they reached Archer's quarters, Phlox felt that the time had come to say something. "Captain, Trip did what he did to save your life. I'm sure that Trip would be the very first to encourage us all to move on and live our own lives to the fullest potential – not mourn for his," Archer stopped walking and turned to look at Phlox. "You know, you're right. But right now, I _need_ to feel sad. Trip was such a good friend and brother, that I feel like I'd be disrespecting his memory by _not_ being sad," Phlox nodded quietly and said solemnly, "He was one of the best people I ever knew,"

Once in Archer's quarters, Archer settled on his bed. He stared at the ceiling with a blank expression. "How many have to die for this mission? It's not fair. He had his whole life before him," Phlox looked at him with sad eyes. "Sometimes," Phlox said thoughtfully, "the best people die. And it's not fair. But in dying, they encourage us to strive for and accomplish things that we never even would have thought of doing before." Archer turned misty eyes toward Phlox and answered, "Then we'd better do a damn good job to make Trip proud," Despite the tears, there was a glimmer of fierce determination.

Phlox held up the hypospray for Archer to see with a questioning look on his face. Archer nodded his consent and Phlox gently pressed the device against Archer's neck. As the battle between consciousness and unconsciousness raged within him, Archer said, "Tell T'Pol to take Lizzie off the duty roster. And keep an eye on Lizzie for me," His unfocused eyes drifted closed. Phlox stood, watching the Captain for several minutes before leaving.

Deep in thought, Phlox strode with purpose to the turbolift. He entered as the doors slipped open and pushed the button to the bridge. He found that the beta shift was on duty; however T'Pol was still hovering by the science station pointing out something to young crewman Jamison. As she straightened to leave, she nearly walked straight into Phlox. "Can I help you, Doctor?" asked T'Pol in her usual monotone. "Yes," Phlox said brusquely, "I need you to remove Lizzie and Captain Archer from the duty roster for the next day or two. They've both had some…"he paused searching for an appropriate word, "issues with Trip's death. They don't need the additional stress of working." T'Pol nodded but said nothing, her lips formed a tight line."And," said Phlox, "it might not hurt to add yourself to that list either,"

Phlox bustled from the bridge leaving T'Pol to amend the duty roster. While Phlox knew the odds of T'Pol voluntary removing herself from the duty roster were slim to nil, he still hoped that she would see the logic in his words and also take time to cope with the event. The next morning, Archer headed to the Captain's mess, until he realized with a grim shock that Trip would not be joining him for breakfast as they had planned the other morning. Rather than face the suddenly empty and overly large Captain's mess alone, he decided to swing by and see how Lizzie was faring after last night's encounter.

He buzzed the doorbell, yet received no answer. He decided that, given the circumstances, he should use his command code and enter her room anyway. He punched in his code and the doors flew open. The room was totally empty. The only thing that was different from the night before was a battered photo album sat open upon the bed, a picture missing.

Archer looked around, afraid that someone might see him despite the fact that the room was empty and the door closed, and picked up the photo album. He gazed at the cover of the album that said in sparkly blue letters "Brother and Sister". Inside were at least a hundred pictures of Lizzie and Trip together. The pictures began when Lizzie really was Trip's "baby sister" and both continued to age the farther back Archer turned. In one picture, Lizzie was missing three front teeth and Trip's hair had been cut cockeyed, though both were grinning broadly. In another, it was Lizzie's third birthday party and her face and hair was covered with icing. Trip stood beside her laughing.

_So many memories_… Archer thought in wonder. He wished vaguely that he had known Trip as a kid. On the very last page, where the most recent photo should have been, there was a blank spot. Written under the blank photo slot were the words "Trip finally got to be a member of Enterprise! I am so proud of you!" Archer dimly wondered where the photo had gone.

He got up from the bed and left the room tangled in his own thoughts and silently chastising himself for spending so long in Lizzie's room without her knowing about it. Instead of dining in the empty Captain's mess alone, he ventured into the mess hall. He knew that by now, his normal shift would be on duty. So, he couldn't count of being able to sit with Hoshi, Travis, T'Pol or Malcolm. However, upon entering, Archer was surprised to see T'Pol sitting at a table by the window with Lizzie. Lizzie was sliding the photo from the album across the table to T'Pol. Archer heard Lizzie saying, "Trip would've wanted you to have this to remember him by," T'Pol accepted it wordlessly and stuffed it reverently into a pocket in her powder blue suit.

Archer steeled himself for the encounter and then strided with purpose toward their table. T'Pol stood up as she saw Archer approach, breaking off the conversation that she and Lizzie had been having. Lizzie looked around, realized why T'Pol was standing and scrambled to do the same before Archer arrived at their table. "T'Pol," said Archer looking slightly confused, "why…what…shouldn't you be on the bridge now?" It had sounded like an accusation and he hadn't intended for it to sound so much like a chastisement.

He started to try again, but before he could, T'Pol said, "The doctor felt that it would be beneficial to me to be removed from my duties for the time being." Archer opened his mouth yet said nothing. _So, T'Pol is having problem__s dealing with Trip's death too_ For some reason, he found the thought oddly comforting. Lizzie stared at Captain Archer curiously. She opened her mouth, closed it again, made a face as if considering how best to begin, and then spoke, "Sir, I – about what happened, well I – you know –," she averted her eyes to her lap as she twiddled her fingers nervously, "sorry, sir," she mumbled finally looking rather ashamed as she considered the behavior she had demonstrated the previous night. She grimaced at the thought.

Archer smiled kindly down at her and said quietly, "It's alright. I completely understand. Now," he said as he sat down to join the two of them, "I think it's time that you and I had a chat Lizzie," Her face paled and her body tensed visibly. "About what, sir?" she asked looking apprehensive. She seemed to be worried that a punishment for her behavior the previous night might be forthcoming. "You said that there were so many things we didn't know about Trip. Now's as good a time as any to enlighten us," Lizzie looked pleased that the conversation was to be a pleasant one and not the expected reprimand. "What do you want to know?" she asked. Archer exchanged a glance with T'Pol then said, "Anything you want to tell us,"

For several hours, the three of them sat and talked. Lizzie told them about the time that Trip had been grounded for pouring an entire pitcher of lemonade all over her as revenge for her playing house with all his army men. She told them about their shared love of the beach and fixing things. She told them how they would hunt for ladybugs on the beach together because it was supposed to be good luck to find a ladybug. She told them how much Trip loved going to Disney World whenever they could and how his favorite rides were Space Mountain and Haunted Mansion. She told them about the time she and Trip were in a car accident. Together they had spent a week in the hospital, Trip recovering from some liver and kidney damage and she from a concussion and four broken bones in her leg and foot.

Archer was stunned. She had been right. There really was so much that he hadn't known about Trip. "He never mentioned a car accident to me," said Archer looking surprised. "That's probably because there was never any reason to talk about it," said T'Pol levelly. "What," said Archer, now annoyed, "don't tell me you knew about it,"

"We had discussed it, yes," replied T'Pol shortly. "However, I did not know about any of the other things Lizzie has told us. There was apparently much more to Mister Tucker than knowledge of engineering," Archer pressed Lizzie for more details of Trip's past, especially the accident, which for some reason intrigued him. "Well, our car just got hit by some lunatic," she said, "I remember seeing it coming and screaming, but past that…"she gestured vaguely with her hands. "From what I've been told, I hit my head really hard on the dashboard and blacked out. The dashboard crushed my leg, breaking some bones. Trip was smashed against the steering wheel, that's how he got hurt internally. Then, I guess someone called for help and we were taken to the hospital. But, if you're looking for the gory details, I can't tell you because I don't remember. I had a bad concussion. After seeing the car, the next thing I knew was waking up in the hospital."

And as they talked, about good times and bad times and times in between, all of them began to feel better. Lizzie was able to really smile for once, and Archer felt as though a great weight had been lifted from him, and T'Pol might even have had the vague beginnings of a smile once, though she denied it. In the midst of their reminiscing, the comm beeped. The first time it beeped, Archer ignored it not wanting to lose the moment and the easy camaraderie that had come with it. However, when it beeped for the third time, he could ignore it no longer. He got up from the table and headed to the wall. He punched the button and said, "Archer here,"

"Sir," came back a female voice, "we're approaching Earth, we'll be landing back at Starfleet in fifteen minutes. Do you want us to make sure that – that the body is ready to go?" Archer swallowed a lump in his throat. Hearing Trip referred to as a "body" made him feel sick to his stomach. He could picture Trip blanching at the thought. After a moment's pause he said, "Yes, thank you," and without waiting any longer, he closed the link to the comm. The journey was over – at least for Trip. And he could hardly believe it.

Twenty minutes later, Enterprise had landed and Archer was in the Admiral's office. Archer watched pensively out of the window as the Admiral talked, congratulating Archer for all of Enterprise's accomplishments, yet he heard none of the praise. Nothing could make him pry his eyes away from the silver tube being unloaded from the ship and Lizzie walking somberly and ceremoniously behind it. The Admiral followed Archer's line of vision to the coffin and Lizzie. "I'm sorry, Jonathan, I truly am. I know you were good friends. The girl," he asked quietly, "is she…"

"His sister," said Archer. "She was very close to him. The funeral is being held tomorrow." The Admiral nodded sadly and asked, "Where?" Archer ripped his eyes away from the macabre sight and said, "At cemetery on the outskirts of the town where they grew up. Not too far from here – maybe ten minutes. I knew the town well – spent a lot of time visiting Trip there. I've heard a lot of people will be going to the service tomorrow,"

The Admiral nodded and said, "I, for one, know that I'll be coming," Archer hung his head at the thought of actually having to see Trip lying in some box, his skin an ashen hue of grey. He said, "It's going be real tough for Lizzie. She has to go and be a witness for the reading of his will today, and then go to the funeral tomorrow," The Admiral nodded. "Well, Jonathan," the Admiral said as he turned to face him, "you and your crew have done a better job than any of us could ever have imagined. And I just wanted to personally thank you for all you've done," Archer nodded and stood to leave. The Admiral's words meant nothing. His best friend had died and all he could say was thanks? It just wasn't right.

Archer spent that afternoon wandering around his house in a stupor. He couldn't bear to be with anyone from Enterprise. Being around with all those consolations from people who barely knew Trip was more than he could bear. So, for the first time in months, he went home. Upon arriving at home, he curled up on the sofa and cried. _I'm the Captain, damn it! I should be able to control all these feelings!_ Lunch came and went, yet Archer was in no mood to eat. Rather, he drove his tired, old pickup over to the Tucker residence. The Tucker's house was a sprawling affair, acres of grounds that were well manicured and landscaped.

The house itself was still more impressive. It was three floors with a four car garage and multiple decks. Archer knew from past visits that there was a pool in the backyard, a garden with a fountain, and horse stables and pastures as Lizzie had always loved horses. All of a sudden, the whole place felt so large and unwelcoming. Lizzie and Trip had lost their parents several years previous. Trip had really taken care of Lizzie until he had been accepted onto the Enterprise and Lizzie into the Academy. Now, he realized that for the first time, she was all alone. Parking his car outside the door next to Lizzie's small sporty car, he walked up the stairs and banged the lion shaped knocker several times against the door.

A minute later, Lizzie opened the door looking surprised. "Oh," she said quietly, "Sir, what can I do for you?" He fumbled around for words, "I just came to see if you're okay after the reading of the will…" She smiled. "I'm fine, it's more than I ever expected," she gestured around her. "You mean, you own the house now?"

"Yeah," she said, "but more than that. My parents set up very generous funds to take care of us when they were gone. Now that Trip's gone, according to my parent's wills, all the money in his trust fund goes into mine," she stopped looking dazed, "it's millions," Archer had always known that the Tucker family had been well to do. But from the way the two of them had acted, you never would have guessed it. Both were very down to Earth, modest, and polite. Mr. and Mrs. Tucker worked on planning some of the space crafts that preceded Enterprise, and they had been paid handsomely for their scientific advances and hard work.

"It still feels unreal," she muttered quietly and turned away. Archer stayed the rest of the day at the Tucker house. Neither of them felt like talking, but the mere presence of each other provided immense support. Late that night, Archer left the house promising to see Lizzie the next morning at the funeral.

The night was a long, drawn out ordeal. He couldn't fall asleep as images of a dying Trip kept haunting his nightmares. "It's all your fault, John, you killed me!" Trip uttered over and over again. And each time Archer woke up covered in sweat and shaking. Back at the Tucker house, Lizzie paced the floors unable to sleep. Rather than be confronted with the overwhelming silence of the house, she pulled on a jacket over her pajamas and went out to the stables.

She walked barefooted into the stables and met with the familiar heady smell of manure, hay, and horses. She walked up to her favorite horse, a black one which she had named Shadow. "Oh, Shadow," she said quietly as the horse nickered softly, "what am I supposed to say tomorrow. I never even dreamed that I'd have to do Trip's eulogy," Shadow nuzzled his nose affectionately against her face as if to say, "I know you'll the right thing," She patted Shadow on the nose and then left the sables. Back at the house, she got a pencil and paper and began to write.

Archer appeared at the funeral next morning in a black suit. It felt weird being in a suit after so long wearing his uniform day after day. A large crowd, a hundred strong, was gathered near the sleek black coffin toward the back of the graveyard. Archer couldn't see how anyone could see anything with that many people. As Archer approached, the crowd parted respectfully to let him through.

As he walked quietly through the sea of people, all of whom were staring at him, he looked back at them. Some he recognized from Enterprise. The other crew members nodded dutifully in acknowledgment as he looked at them. There were others he did not recognize; he assumed that they must be friends and distant family of the Tuckers.

Just as he reached the front of the crowd where the rest of the senior staff was already waiting, a murmur swept through the crowd. Lizzie had arrived. She was dressed somberly in a black skirt and a modest black top, her face a study in solemnity. Once again the crowd parted and Lizzie was permitted through. But unlike Archer's walk through the gauntlet, Lizzie's walk through the crowd was comforting to witness. Many people reached out to touch Lizzie – a pat on the shoulder, a hug, a hand holding, muttered condolences. As one boy reached out to Lizzie, she turned. They embraced for a moment and Archer was struck by similarity between the two. _They must be cousins. How much they look alike. I can see traces of Trip in both of them._ As they parted, the crowd continued to allow Lizzie through. She walked past the senior staff with a sad smile and Archer heard her sigh and say to herself, "It's okay, you can do this,"

She walked up to a small platform that had been erected. It was just tall enough that Lizzie could be seen head and shoulders above everyone else. Only a podium and a microphone rested on the stage. Lizzie ascended the stairs with an unreadable look. She stood behind the podium and extracted a piece of paper from inside the podium. Everyone could see it trembling in her hand. She cleared her throat awkwardly and began.

"Um – Hi. I'd just like to thank all of you for coming today. I think- I _know_ that Trip would appreciate all of you being here for him – and for me. I know that right now all of you are expecting me to say something terribly poignant, astute, or philosophical about Trip, his life, and his accomplishments. But, I'm terrible at being profound. So, instead I found something that I think describes Trip. I hope you agree with me. 'He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often, and loved much, who has enjoyed the trust of pure women, the respect of intelligent men, and the love of little children, who has filled his niche and accomplished his task, who has left the world a better place than he found it, whether by an improved poppy, a perfect poem, or a rescued soul…" At this point, her voice broke and her eyes began to fill with tears, yet she cleared her throat and kept going, "…'who has never lacked appreciation of Earth's beauty or failed to express it, who has always looked for the best in others and given the best he had, whose life was an inspiration, whose memory a benediction',"

She paused and sighed, looking over the cemetery. Then she said fiercely, "And if that doesn't describe Trip, then I don't know what the hell does," She turned and faced the coffin and said, "Trip, good luck. You were the best brother I could have ever had. I know you were always ready for adventure, and right now you're having the greatest adventure of all. I know you hoped that the next life would have catfish and things to fix and lazy afternoons…I hope you were right, because I want you to be happy. All my love Trip," she said quietly.

She came down from the podium and stood respectfully at the coffin. Silently, people lined up and paraded past Trip's body, which looked better as Phlox had done his best to clean it up and make it presentable. Most people muttered words of consolation as they went passed. After an hour or so, the majority of the crowd was gone. Only Lizzie, Archer, Phlox and T'Pol remained.

Seeing that the crowd has dissipated, she stepped up to where Trip was lying in the coffin and looked respectfully down at him. Seeing Lizzie with Trip for what would most likely be the final time, Archer, Phlox, and T'Pol stepped respectfully back. And as Lizzie stood in a contemplative silence by Trip's coffin, a cool breeze played across the cemetery pulling at Lizzie's hair and making her skirt sway. She felt a hand on her shoulder and was glad for Archer's reassuring presence.

Upon turning to leave, Lizzie realized that the three remaining people were at least ten feet away. Archer could not have put his hand on her shoulder. All at once Lizzie realized that it was Trip letting her know in his own special way that they would one day be together again and Lizzie felt as though a huge burden had left her shoulders. And seeing the faces of T'Pol Phlox, and Captain Archer, she realized that they too had had a similar experience. Lizzie smiled through her tears and approached the trio. Together the four of them turned to leave and Lizzie said quietly, "You know, I was wrong,"

"Oh?" said Captain Archer, "About what?" Lizzie stopped and looked at him and then said, "Before, when you found me in the hallway, I said that I was saying goodbye. But I was wrong," she said turning to look back at Trip, "It's not goodbye, it's just see you later," The three of them smiled, and T'Pol raised an eyebrow. And together the four of them left the graveyard.


End file.
